


Ma Halani Suledin

by Setmys0ulonfire



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Almost smut, Best Friends, F/M, Fluff and Angst, UST
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-15
Updated: 2016-03-16
Packaged: 2018-05-27 00:07:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6261283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Setmys0ulonfire/pseuds/Setmys0ulonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Solavellan story. Solas saves Lavellan from a near death experience. Solavellan Angst. Dorian/Lavellan best friends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dragon Hunting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan POV

They had been wandering the Hissing Waste for days. It felt like every time they summited a mountain of sand another was mockingly waiting on the other side. The waste’s seemed to go on forever, just sand and rocks. There was almost no vegetation; only sparse desert plants periodically graced the sand with life. It was such a strange place and was in a state of perpetual twilight. The bright rays of the sun never graced the land. The constant purple shade of the sky made Lavellan uneasy. The only thing that brought her a sense of calm in the hot, gritty wasteland was the casual smirk Solas would throw her way when the others weren’t looking.

Occasionally the wind would pick up and hot sand filled gusts would sting their faces. When the wind was calm, fires from Venatori camps could be seen scattered in the rocks and caves in the distance. Those were not the most pressing matter at the moment though. Everyone was weary and ready to return to Skyhold but there had been reports of a Dragon in the area and it was her duty as the Inquisitor to hunt it down. Well, truthfully, maybe it was a combination of duty and desire. Nobles all over Orlais and Ferelden had made such a fuss after the first dragon her team had killed and she honestly enjoyed the praise. Being a Dalish elf leading the Inquisition has been something Lavellen would have never imagined in all the ages of Thedas, and yet, here she was.

They had been riding since mid-day and the Dracolisks were becoming restless and irritable, pulling at reigns defiantly. The leather slowly creaked as it was stretched to its limit and the sound of teeth grinding on metal bits rang in her ears. Lavellan decided it would be best to let them rest awhile. They dismounted and tied the reptilian mounts to a group of small dead trees. Lavellan pulled a small satchel filled with nug jerky out of her pack and tossed them to Sera.

“Do you mind feeding them?”

“Why don’t you do it!?” Sera demanded with a sour look on her face.

“I saw a ruin a ways back, if we are going to take a break I want to go check it out” She said as she climbed onto the back of Solas’s hart and got adjusted in the saddle with him. Solas gave her a questioning look but said nothing.

“Ughhh! You two just want to sneak off, I’m not stupid!” Sera’s face crinkled up in a look of disgust. 

Lavellan rolled her eyes and Solas clicked the reigns urging the hart onward. The hart was a much sturdier animal than the finicky dracolisks and could easily travel for longer distances. Once they were out of view Lavellan wrapped her arms around Solas’s torso and let her head rest against his back. He let a hand greet hers on his stomach and their fingers intertwined. She smiled into the soft fabric of his coat. 

“So where is this ruin we are investigating, ma theneras?” Solas asked playfully. He knew Sera’s words had been true and her intention had really been to sneak off for a while. 

“Umm… there were some collapsed pillars about a mile back. Looked like maybe there was an opening?” Her tone indicated she was really trying to convince herself of this more than him. 

Solas pulled back on the reigns and the Hart stopped abruptly letting a loud snort out through its nose. He turned around in the saddle and lifted both her legs so they were over his and they could sit facing each other. She blushed as his hands came around and clasped behind the small of her back. She was practically completely in his lap and straddling him. He caught her completely off guard when he initiated anything. He could go from aloof, strictly business, Solas to dreamy lover incarnate in no time flat.

She leaned back a bit, “I.. uhh.. Sera was just driving me crazy and I wanted to get a break.. and there really was some ruins back a ways… probably nothing but…” her voice trailed off. Solas was gazing into her eyes with that trademark smirk on his face, one eyebrow just slightly lifted. Maker’s breathe… she couldn’t even find her voice when he looked at her that way. 

“So…” he said as he pulled her closer, completely dismissing all Lavellan’s attempts at excuses. “I know of a few things we could explore..” he breathed the words onto her neck. The heat of his breathes sent chills through her entire body. She could feel the need for him growing as he kissed her neck just below her jaw and sucked gently. 

“Hahren!” she exclaimed accompanied by a nervous giggle. He chuckled and the vibrations of his voice trailed down from her neck into her chest. He pulled away from her neck and his eyes narrowed.

“You know it drives me mad when you call me that” He leaned in to kiss her but stopped just before their lips met. Her body was on fire with the anticipation of kissing him.

“and YOU know it drives me crazy when you do THAT! Stop teasing me hahren.” She shoved him playfully. Just then the Hart let out an exasperated grunt at the two elves getting frisky on his back. 

“Let’s get back vhenan. We are actually out here on a mission, you know”

“Fiiiiiiine” She let the word draw out, highlighting her disagreement with the statement. “Do I at least get a real kiss?”

He turned himself back around in the saddle.

“Ir abelas ma lath, Halam'shivanas” he said with a devious smile as he tapped the reigns.

“Tel Abelas!” She challenged. She wasn’t going down without a fight. She pushed herself up in the saddle and leaned over his shoulder, her lips slowly finding their way to his ears. His weakness were conveniently stored away in her mind for moments such as this. Her lips closed around his earlobe and she hummed. Solas stiffened and a pleasured gasp escaped his lips. She let her tongue gently caress his sensitive skin. She kept going until he was adjusting in the saddle to accommodate for his growing urges. His knuckles were white with the tension of his grip on the reigns. When she knew he was close to giving in she stopped and then whispered,

“Ir abelas ma lath. Mala suledin nadas” 

Solas and Lavellan rode back into the makeshift camp. Cassandra was sitting on a broken log with her arms crossed, foot tapping in the sand impatiently. Solas’s face was pink with discomfort and embarrassment. Sera bellowed out a low pitched laugh at the sight of the guilty and flustered pair. 

“How were them ruins, quizzy?” Sera quipped.

“Oh, not much there” Lavellan gave her friend a discreet wink.

The ironic part is that their companions assumed they were off doing naughty things when really they were usually just sadistically poking at each other’s desires.

“Let’s go. We can continue on foot while the mounts rest” There was a definite sense of irritation in Cassandra’s voice. Lavellan couldn't tell if the irritation was sparked by going off with Solas or by the fact that they had left her alone with Sera. Both options were completely plausible. 

They unloaded their packs and weapons and set off westward. Cassandra and Sera were at the lead of the group and for miles Sera was hounding Cassandra with all manner of inappropriate questions. She had long since discontinued trying to bother Solas as he never reacted to her childish antics which made the endeavor boring. Cassandra, however, still got her feathers ruffled very easily. 

“Hey Cass, what do you think of Varric? Because I think he has a little crush on you and you guys would make an adorable couple” 

Casandra made a prominent disgusted noise and in an attempt to escape her tormentor swiftly climbed a buildup of rocks that seemed to grow awkwardly out of the endless sand. She paused abruptly and her body visibly tensed. She held up her hand signaling for the group to hold their position. She was the only one who could see ahead from her position and her eyes were locked onto something in the distance. Without looking back she called down in a urgent whisper

"There she is." 

I let my magic begin slowly surging into my hands and then into my staff. It was a unique piece beautifully carved from a blackened Cherrywood and crowned with the polished horn of a battle nug. It was named ‘Chimera’s Revenge’ by the Tevinter magister who had crafted it and it had always served me faithfully in our campaigns. Cassandra allowed herself to break her gaze on the beast for only a moment to look back at me. I gave a quick nod to let her know I was ready.

Without hesitating we came around the side of the hill at a full run, and headed directly for the slumbering dragon. I was hoping to gain some advantage but she heard us immediately. The dragon arose to her feet in a flash knocking aside piles of august ram bones that were littered around her. She spread out her wings and let out a deafening roar that felt like needles piercing my eardrums. You couldn’t even hear the clacking and cracking of bones as they crashed into surrounding rocks after being thrown askew. She was obviously extremely offended by our intrusion on her nap. Sera poured a vile of thick green poison into her quiver while she ran and then immediately began showering the beast with arrows. The stinging arrows provided a much needed distraction while Cassandra charged to get in position for close combat, letting out a fierce battle cry as she ran. Arrows lodged themselves in-between blue-grey scales, causing the dragon to shake violently trying to throw them out. The beast snapped her jaws and hissed each time another arrow found its target. I called upon the fire within me and let it flow forward from my hand. A river of fire scorched the side of the dragon’s face deeply burning one of her eyes. Black smoke and the smell of burning flesh wafted past me and I held back the urge to cough from the awful stench. Solas was skillfully constructing wards that would shield us from damage for a short time. The protective magic flowed around each of us, deflecting most of the incoming fire and debris that was erupting from our enemy as she hopped and spun around fiercely trying to eliminate us.

Battling a creature of her size and strength was as strategic as having to direct the entire Inquisition. You had to always know where your party was and know them well enough to foresee what move they would make next. Once an attack was made you had to quickly make a blow exploiting the brief window of distraction. You also couldn't allow one member to take the brunt of the attack. This coordination between all of us took many battles to perfect. It was a delicate dance of skill, timing and teamwork that was always on the brink of becoming un-choreographed madness. If you crossed that line into chaos, someone would fall. I would not allow any of my team to fall.

The blows from Cassandra's sword came repeatedly as she cracked hardened scales that gave way to softer flesh. Sera had run out of arrows and had switched to knives. She thrust her knives through the broken scales causing the dragon to wail in pain. All the while I was draining my mana into a spell I hoped would finish the dragon off. Tiny sparks of lightening crackled around me as I concentrated my energies. Solas's wards were close to breaking and he was growing weary from protecting us. With a final push I sent a massive bolt of lightning through my staff and towards the beast’s heart. The dragon must have heard the crack of the lightening as it left the tip of my staff. She turned at the last moment and shielded her body with her giant wing which absorbed the attack meant to still her heart. With the momentum of her wing movement she lifted off the ground a few feet and swung her entire body in a semi-circle. Her tail moved towards me at blinding speed and caught me right in the stomach with her jagged spikes. I was only wearing my traveling leathers since I usually stayed back a ways from the fight and her tail spikes pierced the light armor as if I were naked. The last thing I remember is feeling an intense shockwave pulse through my body and hearing Solas scream my name.


	2. Near Fatal Wounds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV

I saw the tail swinging towards my love. She should have known the dragon would hear a lightening spell of that size. Such a foolish child at times and yet so brave, always trying to end the fight quickly and make the final blow to protect her followers. The spikes of the dragon’s tail made contact with Lavellan’s small body and I heard her let out a short scream that turned into a bloody gurgle as spikes tore at her internal organs and blood came trickling from her mouth. I felt as if I were in her place as spikes pierced my heart. I almost lost my composure seeing her fall limp to the ground as her crimson life-force quickly began pooling around her. I howled from the depths of my soul

“Vhenan!!”

I needed to get to her and close her wounds or she would die within minutes. The thought of losing her pushed the spikes further into my heart until they emerged on the other side. Cassandra and Sera were both still tirelessly assaulting the dragon and didn’t notice when the Inquisitor fell. Sera’s arrows were more of an annoyance than an actual threat since the poison took time to activate and her daggers weren’t long enough to reach and sever any major arteries. Meanwhile, Cassandra was having trouble finding an opening to make a fatal blow. I closed my eyes and reached into the air as magic previously untapped flooded into my outstretched hand and a green glow encircled my fingers. I took hold of the very fabric of the veil and ripped open a rift that pulled the dragon in my direction. In the swirling tornado of sand and debris the monster came sliding towards me while she tried to regain her footing, unsuccessfully fighting the pull of the rift. When her head came swinging above me I stabbed into the soft bottom of her jaw right in-between the bones with my staff. I released a forceful pulse of magic that exploded the front of her head and she dropped like a sack of elfroot. The rift closed upon the dragon’s death and gore was spread in a large radius around where her head would have fallen. I dropped my staff and ran towards Lavellan. Cassandra and Sera looked at me bewildered by my barbaric kill while blood and bits of brain dripped off them. A few feet before reaching her body my knees gave out. I fell to the ground and slid next to my dying lover. I gently cradled her head with my left hand while I carefully lifted her torn body off the ground. I pushed a piece of blood soaked hair away from her closed eyes

“Ma lath?”

I managed to choke the words out, fighting back tears. She wasn’t breathing. Blood spilled onto my robes and I could feel it seeping through the cotton and onto my skin at an alarming rate. I channeled the last of my reserved magic into mending her internal organs and stopping the bleeding. Once I was completely spent of healing abilities I slumped over her body and let our foreheads meet, waiting to feel the comforting touch of her heartbeat through the anchor again. After what felt like an eternity her flickering life force came back from the fade. She was alive but we needed to get her out of here and back to safety. I may have destroyed the dragon but the area still had Venatori to worry about and they would love nothing more than to find the Inquisitor while she was weak. I picked her up and barked at Sera,

“Sera! Prepare the mounts! Now!”

For once Sera made no quips and went running with haste 

I walked slowly towards where my Hart and three Dracolisks were hiding and after a few minutes Sera met me with my mount. With Cassandra’s help I climbed atop the Hart. She placed both her hands on my back and pushed me upwards while I put my feet in the saddle stirrups. She grunted with the exertion of lifting two people but I refused to put Lavellan down. Sera and Cassandra quickly mounted their Dracolisks and while they were getting adjusted I whispered in Lavellan’s ear,

“Ar lath ma, vhenan. Ar banal suledin bora ma. Please hold on”

We rode back to Skyhold and I cradled her head next to my heart the entire way and whispered prayers in ancient elvhen. Cassandra and Sera attempted to speak to me but I had no words for them. I didn’t care for anything other than holding the woman I loved and ensuring she reached home alive.


	3. Skyhold at Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan POV

I awoke back at Skyhold in my bedroom. I could feel the bandages wrapped around my midsection. Maker, they were itchy. There was a small basin of water by my bed with a stack of clean bandages. There was also a glass vase filled with Black Lotus flowers. My head was swirling with questions. 

Where the hell did the flowers come from? 

Solas? 

Surely not. 

Wait. 

How did I get here? 

My head was incredibly foggy. Probably the result of the Ghoul’s Beard tonic I could still taste in my mouth. I remember fighting the dragon and then… nothing. 

Did we retreat? 

I rubbed my eyes and a feeling of disappointment washed over me. What a failure of a leader I am... leading my party into battle only to miscalculate my shot and force them to pull out with my unconscious body in tow. I slowly rolled onto my side and buried my face in the pillow. Now we would have to have to make that awful ride back to the Waste to finish off the dragon once I was healed. I sighed and could feel the tenderness in my ribs.

Once I was feeling up to leaving my room I slowly crawled down the stairs and headed towards the rotunda underneath the library. It was late but I desperately longed to crawl onto the couch with Solas and have him tell me stories about the fade while I leaned my head on his shoulder and greedily breathed in the scent of teakwood and sage that always seemed to be on him. I was thinking I might even bug him to tell me what exactly happened with the dragon after I blacked out. He hated retelling stories that involved my near death experiences but hearing about how he saved me always made my heart swell. It soothed my overwhelming sense of loneliness knowing he cared… even if he only did it because we both shared a common enemy. I was always surrounded by people who adored and followed me yet I could hardly shake the feeling of being utterly alone. Being away from my clan and suddenly thrown into the role of Herald of Andraste was a difficult path to walk. Truthfully, I didn't fall in battle often but Solas had saved my ass a few times. I smiled thinking of that disapproving look he'd give me when I asked about the dragon. His brows would furrow and his eyes would narrow. He would linger somewhere between wanting to scold me and wanting to appease my request. Between running the Inquisition, which was a nonstop job, and being away from Skyhold for weeks at a time, sometimes I just needed a moment of peace. I needed to know I was fighting for something more than a world that enslaved my people and treated us like trash. I wanted to know that at the end of it all that I would have him by my side. That I was fighting for the elf I loved and loved me in return. There were constantly messengers and agents requesting my input. My advisers could hardly seem to make any decisions without my presence in the war room. To say it was exhausting would be the understatement of the Dragon Age. I rounded the corner from the great hall and paused in the archway leading into the rotunda. Solas was sitting at the desk, face buried in a book with his usual pensive expression. The candlelight against the fresco wall murals always gave the rotunda the most romantic feeling. My hands traced the cool stones and I leaned my shoulder onto the edge of the stone barrier that created the doorway. I looked at him longingly while I listened to the sound of Leliana’s messenger birds shuffling in their cages overhead. The vice that seemed to have made its home inside me gripped my heart and began to slowly tighten. I waited quietly for him to notice my arrival. After a moment he looked up and stated in a monotone voice

"Yes, Vhenan?"

After a moment he smiled but nothing about his demeanor or tone indicated that I was invited to join him. How could this man who seemingly cared for me so much in some moments be so reserved and cold during others? He called me vhenan but it was hard to ignore the aura of emotional distance that surrounded him. 

"I...." 

What could I say that would sway him? I couldn’t tell him why I was really there. Just to be close to him, to hear his voice and smell his familiar scent. I could never admit such things for fear he would surely push me away. It was hopeless. 

"I just... was feeling better… thought you might like to know."

I stumbled to get the words out. He smiled again but only that slighted, almost sad smile. Not a smile from the heart, the kind inspired by love and laughter. Those smiles were incredibly rare.

"I am glad,” he replied. His voice was distant. He obviously had other things on his mind.

I sighed. Defeat. I preferred falling to dragons than to the emotional devastation that was Solas's every word. Or lack of words, it’s hard to say. He turned his attention back to the tome lying open on the desk and I gently let my forehead rest onto the stone for a moment before turning to leave. I wanted to cry from the sheer frustration that welled up inside me. What the fuck was I doing loitering around the rotunda late at night trying to come up with a reason to spend time with him? The moment on the Hart back in the Hissing Wastes flashed in my mind. His candid playfulness and the sensation of his fingers interlacing with mine, I will never understand what holds him back. I live in a world full of eyes judging me and I sought only the approval and attention of one elf and could not seem to gain it. To anyone else, a moment like this would seem trivial. Maybe he is just busy… or tired, they would say. But with the weight of the world on my shoulders it threatened to crush me every time. 

I slowly began walking back towards my room but paused and instead turned and headed towards the room where Dorian slept. The door was closed and I didn't notice any candlelight peeking out from under the threshold. Like a master thief I pushed on the heavy wooden door with the greatest care not to make a sound. The room was pitch black so I grabbed a candle from the cabinet by the door and used a flicker of magic to light it. I prayed to Sylaise that the sudden appearance of light wouldn't wake my friend. As the candle gently lit the room a sudden stab of guilt came over me for being here. I shouldn't be… yet I slowly walked towards the bed and set the candle down on the night stand next to an empty bottle of Legacy White Shear. I grabbed the sheet and smiled despite myself. Fine Orlesian silk… of course Dorian would only have the finest. I wondered if he snaked these from my last shipment from the merchant in Val Royeaux. They were nicer than the linens I had in my room... the Inquisitors room! I had seen him curiously hanging around last time an Orlesian goods caravan arrived. Oh, Dorian, you sly dog. I slid under the covers and tried to move like a shadow so I wouldn’t wake him. I curled up next to him and gently lay my head on his shoulder. The smell of peppermint and huckleberry soothed my racing mind. Dorian let one eye open and peered down at the new companion in his bed and smiled softly. 

"Hello my darling," he whispered.

"I'm so sorry Dorian, I... I didn't mean to wake you." 

Again the guilt and frustration welled up around my heart and I felt the tears pushing against the back of my eyes. A single tear escaped and fled down my cheek almost perfectly following the trail of my vallaslin. I felt him smile as he reached down and gently pushed my hair behind my ear, revealing the gods forsaken tears. Seeing my pain he pulled me in a little closer and I let my arm slide across his torso under the blankets. He laid his hand on my arm and stroked my forearm with his thumb. He knew. He was the only one who I let see my fears and self-doubt and I thanked Mythal for his unwavering friendship and patience. When a ravishingly handsome mage from Tevinter found his way into my inner circle I never would have imagined he would end up being a treasured friend and anchor in times of darkness.

"Baldy being a prude again I take it?" he asked. 

I sighed heavily and buried my face into his shoulder. 

"I don't know what is wrong with me" I managed to whisper as another wave of silent tears stained my cheeks. 

He sat up slightly and looked down at me. I let my eyes slowly roll up to meet his. 

"Lavellan, you are perfect my dear. I don't know what his stuck up elvhen problem is but he will surely realize what he is missing out on. And as long as you'll have me as your friend, I will always be here for you" 

"Thank you Dorian, really. Thank you." 

My hand tightly gripped the fabric of his cotton shirt as if I were afraid he might disappear. After a moment he chimed,

"I mean really, he has so much to be angry about”

I quirked my eyebrow at him.

“… His shabby clothes, his disturbing lack of hair... I suppose we can't really blame him for the absurd way he acts towards you. I'd be preoccupied too if I looked like a bald apostate hobo."

I laughed. Damnit Dorian, even in my moment of sadness you still make me laugh. 

“Cassandra reports he killed the dragon though. Pretty brutal stuff from what I hear.”

“What?”

I was shocked. I thought surely we retreated whenever I blacked out.

“Just what the seeker told me, I didn’t pry too much. I was honestly too worried about you to care about some dragon guts.” Dorian waved his hand in the air as if to shoo the thought away.

“Did you find the flower’s I left in your room?” he asked as he swept his fingers through my hair.

“Ah. I was wondering who brought those up for me to enjoy. Should have known it was you”

“Well… I certainly wasn’t pleased to hear my only friend was almost eliminated by a dragon’s tail.”

My only friend, I smiled. So dramatic Dorian. We lay there in silence for a while until the candle began to burn low and we eventually drifted into the fade.


	4. Dream trespasser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan POV

It was a beautiful day in the Hinterlands and I was enjoying the sound of the waterfall as I sat on the ground by the brook. I absent mindedly smoothed a crease in the blanket I was seated on enjoying the softness of the fabric. It was my favorite from my childhood. It was a wonderful hand sewn gift from my keeper that depicted the Golden Halla. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it until seeing it again. I suddenly heard footsteps behind me whose meter was unmistakably Dorians. I peered over my shoulder and smiled at my approaching friend.

“Fancy meeting you here” he said, his smile stealing the thunder of the beautiful scenery.

He sat beside me and pulled a bottle of Abyssal Peach from his pack and two exquisite Tevinter chalices. He poured a glass for both of us and we both sipped it with great appreciation. The fade was usually a place filled with negativity for me, but occasionally I found the beautiful places. It must have helped to be asleep in Dorian’s arms. I had never found him in the fade before but it was not an unwelcome meeting. We talked and joked for hours as the cool breeze teased us with the scent of Andraste’s Grace. It was an uncommon blossom but it was unsurprising to smell its alluring scent in this dream. Rare flowers, rare wine, all things a unique gift like our friendship, glowing like a beacon in a world of deception and mistrust. After we finished the bottle and a familiar fuzzy feeling echoed in my head I laid down on the blanket and watched the breeze caress the leaves while we shared stories about our pasts and laughed about the times we spent pestering Cabot in the Skyhold tavern. I was so sure he would have thrown us out on multiple occasions had I not been the Herald of Andraste. Luckily, I never had to actually pull the Herald card. Cabot just glared at us whenever we started getting rowdy… like the time Dorian had too many cups of Backcountry Reserve and challenged Krem to an honor duel for flirting with me. I still give Iron Bull hell for feeding Dorian so much alcohol. Backcountry reserve was vile stuff and after that incident Iron Bull was no longer allowed to make requests on keg orders.  


I heard a crunch of leaves somewhere behind us, near enough to make me turn to investigate. Back in a grove of trees there was a single black wolf watching us from behind the trunk of a towering pine. It fled upon my discovery of its presence. How strange, I thought. I watched for a few moments to see if it would reappear but I lost interest and returned to my wine and Dorian’s company. I let myself fully enjoy our shared dream until morning came.


	5. Too early for this sh*t

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan POV

I woke in the late morning and the sun was already pushing its way into all the previously dark corners of Skyhold. Dorian was still quietly dreaming and I gave him one last hug before crawling out of bed. I carefully closed the door behind me and headed towards my room to change into my day clothes praying the great hall wasn't already brimming with people. Once I reached the bottom of the stairs I was pleased to find the great hall was actually fairly empty. I peeked around the corner and saw a few diplomats sitting at a table by the door in a heated debate while Josephine scrambled to write down their discussions. They slammed their tea cups against their plates for emphasis as they argued over how we should proceed on supporting some Orlesian marriage. I often found myself wondering how that kind of shit is relevant to the inquisition but I let the political types do their thing. Sometimes I greatly missed the simple dynamic of my clan. I shook my head and tried to dart across the main way when Solas turned the corner out of the rotunda, book in hand. He looked up from his reading and caught me like a halla in a clearing. Fenedhis! He arched a questioning eyebrow at me and clearly looked me over. 

"Do you... frequently traipse around the hold in your nightclothes or.." he gestured around the great hall with his free hand.

I was having trouble figuring out his tone. Seemed like… jealousy… but that couldn’t be what I was hearing.

"I spent the night in Dorian's room" I replied, suddenly feeling a surge of indignation. 

How dare he question me. I had come to him first only to be silently declined. At the moment, Dorian's friendship outweighed Solas's affection and I didn't regret my decision. I clenched my fists at my side and stood tall even though I realized I must look quite a mess. My shirt was hanging off one shoulder and my braids were falling out leaving just a mess of wavy blonde hair. I still longed for Solas but Dirthamen curse it... what does he want from me? Does he want me to spend every night alone in my room while I drown in my thoughts? Or to always lie in bed alone when it literally hurts to breathe and to have no one beside me? His reaction to my blatant, unashamed answer was everything I needed. I saw a flash of jealousy followed by the cool glow of sadness as his eyes drifted towards the floor. He knew Dorian was only my friend but that he had been there for me when I was feeling unsteady. Saving me physically was not the same and saving me emotionally and Solas was severely lacking in the area of the latter. He realized that I had come to the rotunda last night seeking sanctuary and he had been oblivious to my silent cries for support. Or he had flat out ignored them. But he regretted it now and I savored his regret. I turned without giving him a chance to reply and ascended the stairs to my room, smiling at my smallest of victories.

When I reached my room I was slightly winded from the stairs but scared to take a deep breathe. My ribs were still pretty bruised. I was thankful magic had been able to repair my organs but bones take longer to mend. I had intended to change into my day clothes and go meet Blackwall by the stables but a sudden dizzy spell prompted me to lie down in my bed. I stared out the window and listened to the sounds of people below as Skyhold began receiving the day’s visitors in the courtyard. I found myself wondering what manner of spirit had been watching Dorian and I in the fade last night. Solas had told me many times about the different spirits who would travel the expanses of the fade but I had never seen one appear as a wolf before. After a few minutes the dizziness turned into drowsiness and I pulled a fur over myself and gave in to the urge to nap. My responsibilities could wait just a bit longer. I was awoken later when I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly sat up and threw the fur off. I smoothed my hair back and fixed my braid when Solas’s voice called out before he entered the room

“Lavellan, may I come in?”

“I suppose” I replied curtly.

I was still mad about last night.


	6. Almost Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Solas POV

My heart was heavy thinking of the angry look in Lavellan’s eyes this morning when I spoke with her. I hoped she did not see me watching her in the fade. I had not intended to but I heard her laughter and it called to me like the sound of a siren. My heart swelled seeing her happy and laughing with Dorian in her dreams, although I wished it could have been me. I felt so selfish for allowing myself to intrude on her dreams for my own enjoyment. It wasn’t the first time our wanderings in the fade had overlapped but I diligently tried to avoid it since the last time. It was too tempting to let myself be with her there where I felt so at home. I took my time climbing the steps to her room and called out to let her know I was coming. It was strange to feel like I had to announce myself entering the room that used to be mine. She lay on the bed still in her black nightclothes and did not turn to face me when I entered. I could sense her frustration. I sat down on the side of the bed and started to reach for her but stopped myself.

“I came to change your bandages”

“I can do it myself” she replied coldly.

“Please, Lavellan, let me help”

She sighed loudly and rolled over and pulled off her loose cotton top. My heart leapt into my throat upon seeing her beautiful figure, even if it was underneath bandages. I had seen her unclothed before but things seemed to get more complicated between us every day and I struggled even more to control my desires. I took a deep breath and composed myself. She sat on the edge of the bed and I began slowly unwrapping her torso. Each time my hand gained a new layer of bandage more of her skin was revealed. She crossed her arms to cover her chest and I was happy to see her wounds were much better. Just a few minor cuts on her ribs and probably still considerable soreness in the bones. The bruising was still fairly severe. 

“You are looking much better. I don’t imagine we will need to wrap you back up today.” I tried to say it with lightness in my voice, hoping to lift her mood. Her lack of a reply let me know I had not succeeded. She continued to stare at her desk and I could see a whirlwind of thoughts in her eyes

I opened my pack where I retrieved a small tin filled with healing salve. I dabbed my fingers into the elfroot and embrium mixture and gently massaged it onto her skin. She winced when I touched her and I could see the goosebumps spread across her body. I took my time caring for each wound, savoring the opportunity to touch her. Once I finished I used the remaining salve on my hands to massage her shoulders for a moment. She let her head sink forward enjoying the affection.

“Give it a few minutes to dry before you dress, my heart.” I said as I kissed the back of her head. 

I turned around, replaced the round tin into my bag and picked it up to retreat to my room. I heard the bed shift as she rose off of it. I didn’t turn to look but I suddenly felt her grab my arm and pull me around. Before I could react her lips were on mine. Her hand slid onto my shoulder and she kissed me passionately, her tongue seeking mine as if it were the first time. Without thinking I dropped my bag back onto the floor and my hands reached out and gingerly touched her bare stomach. I let them slide up the sides of her torso, enjoying the shape of her body. As I did so I felt her grip tighten on my shoulder and she breathed in sharply without letting her lips become untangled from mine. I stepped towards the bed and turned, letting her body slowly fall back on top of mine. She consciously moved her leg in-between mine and pressed herself against me. My fingers let themselves get tangled in her hair and I grabbed at the back of her neck as I bit down on her bottom lip. She gasped and my name passed over her lips somewhere between a whisper and a moan. 

"Solas..." 

She looked at me with lust in her eyes and then let her lips trace down the side of my neck and it sent bolts of lightning all over my body. I writhed in pleasure as the waves of sensation took me. She rolled over onto her back, her eyes inviting me join her. I rolled onto my side and moved my hands above her head. I hovered over her looking at the beautiful woman beneath me who had stolen my heart. I leaned down to kiss her and let my lips hover just above hers for a moment. The anticipation was too much and she grabbed the side of my face, pulling me down to claim her prize. When I finally let the weight of my body fall against hers she cried out in pain. Suddenly I snapped back to reality and realized she was still injured… and what we were about to do.

“Ir abelas!” I said as I quickly pulled myself off of her.

“Solas, Tel’abelas, I’m fine. I was just surprised. You don’t need to stop”

“No vhenan, you are hurt. We shouldn’t be doing this”

I grabbed my pack off the floor and turned to leave.

“For fuck’s sake Solas!" 

I cringed at her volume, sure that other people in Skyhold would hear.

"Why do you always do this to me? You let yourself give just a little then run away! I said I’m fine!”

She was clearly fighting to hold back anger that had been building for some time. Lavellan was right though. I had almost allowed myself to get lost in her a few times just to pull myself back to reality at the last second. And all I ever had to offer was an apology. It never sufficed because she didn’t understand why I couldn’t allow myself to be with her. I cared for her so much and I wanted so dearly to know what it felt like to be inside her but it wasn't right.

“I’m sorry”

I let the words spill from my lips for what felt like the hundredth time and deftly carried myself down the stairs and away from the woman I loved. I didn’t go back to the rotunda where I spent most of my time but headed straight to the room where I slept. I let my back rest against the wooden door as it closed behind me. When I heard the metal door latch click into place my knees gave out from under me and I slumped down onto the floor. I cradled my head in my hands as the tears began to flow silently down my cheeks. Hiding my true self from the only elf who loved me for my heart and my thoughts and my passions… it was literally the worst pain I have ever endured. The people either loved or hated me as Fen’Harel, but Lavellan knew nothing of that part of me. She just loved Solas and I wanted so desperately to tell her and show her that I loved her too.


	7. Trip to Val Royeaux

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lavellan POV

I was fuming after my encounter with Solas in my room. What a fucking prick. I needed out get out of Skyhold and blow off some steam. I stormed up the stairs to Dorian’s room only to find it empty. I checked his usual hangout in the library and found him bickering with one of the tranquil book keepers. Trying to argue with a tranquil, this is rich. I would have laughed out loud if I wasn't already pissed off.

“I left the book on the red chair yesterday! I left it open to the page I was reading and now it is gone! How can a man expect to get any work done with you tidying up after them?!”

“I apologize Master Pavus, it is my job to keep the library in order. If you look in the section where we keep Brother Genetivi’s works I am sure you will find the book you desire” The tranquil stated flatly.

“Yes but you are missing the point. Don’t go into my nook anymore!” He scowled and pointed a finger accusingly at her.

“I apologize Master Pavus, it was my understanding that the library belonged to all patrons at Skyhold. I will not enter your section in the future”

I waited for Dorian to be done. He turned around and saw me waiting to speak to him.

“She put my book away Lavellan! The indignity! Oh… but my darling you look positively ruffled. What happened?”

“I got into a fight with Solas” I huffed.

“Oh for the love of… that’s twice in the past day he’s upset you. Do I need to go have a little mage to mage conversation with the bald elf?” He pulled his shoulders back and stood a little taller taking his Dorian the protector stance.

“Dorian, I’m... never mind... but no… I was actually wondering if you wanted to go on a mission with me. I need to get out some frustration. I feel like killing something”

He wrapped his arm around my lower back and swiftly leaned me backwards in a ballroom style dance move. Before pulling me back up he leaned in close enough that I could feel his breathe on my pointed ears

“You had me at kill something.”

He pulled me back up and released me with a little spin. I laughed and probably blushed… this guy.

“I know a great tonic we can slip into his morning elderflower brew that will make him pass out. Tastes like honey he will never know! Then we can put him in a burlap sack, drag him out into the hinterlands and let the fennecs finish him off!” He exclaimed excitedly.

“Dorian I didn’t mean I want to kill Solas… I mean, I do... sometimes. But I just wanted to get out of here for a while. If I have to walk through the rotunda to go talk to Cullen then I have to see him and I just don’t want to. And I’m sure as hell not taking the long way to Cullen’s room. There are like… 150 stairs. No. Just… no.” I rubbed my thighs thinking about all those maker cursed stairs. 

Dorian sighed and shrugged his shoulders, “Fine, no tea subterfuge then. What did you have in mind?”

We walked down the stairs from the library and headed towards the war room to see what kind of trouble we could get ourselves into. Once we got to the war room we began to peruse the stacks of mission documents that were scattered across the map. I found one in a stack written in Leliana’s handwriting.

“Our agent, Astara, in Val Royueax has reported some interesting activity in Le Eaterie di Madame Snippy Snips. Astara doubles as a bartender to pick up useful information from travelers in the capital city. She reports that our agent Zither, the virtuoso, has been meeting a suspicious cloaked man at Le Eaterie every month for the past 6 months and exchanging packages. This is not Inquisition sanctioned activity. We need to know what he is doing. I fear he may be passing information to the enemy. We have no leads on who the cloaked individual is but approach with caution, it could be anyone.”

I passed the missive to Dorian across the large wooden table. After taking a moment to read it Dorian exclaimed loudly,

“OH! You have got to be joking. I HATE that guy! His music is terrible and honestly who takes a lute into battle? I don’t care if it’s ‘magical’” He made quotation signs with his fingers. “You look ridiculous”

“He is so full of himself it makes me sick, and this is coming from someone as fabulous as me. We have to check this out, I have some great ideas” He said with an evil grin turning up the side of his mustache.

We grabbed two Harts out of the stables and rode out without telling anyone. I intentionally took Solas’s favorite mount just to piss him off. In the event he needed to ride out, he would be forced to ride a dracolisk, which he hated. I took satisfaction in my juvenile revenge stab. 

We rode west from Skyhold towards Val Royeaux. As we traveled through the dales Dorian was completely preoccupied crafting something which he wouldn’t allow me to see. I was frankly fascinated he was talented enough to ride and craft with magic at the same time. I kept seeing small wisps of colored magic escape from his hands. Once we were leaving the Dales and nearing the capital city he tossed me a small stone. 

“Dorian, what is this?” I asked.

“A rune!” he proclaimed.

I stared at him for at least a minute with a completely stone expression on my face.

“I know it’s a rune. I have never seen one like this though. What does it do?”

“It’s a reversal rune. My time studying under Alexius taught me some interesting things. It’s really too bad he turned into a drooling psychopath. Anyway, it will reverse whatever spell the user is attempting. Since Zither uses his lute to channel spells instead of a staff all we need to do is plant the rune in the body of the lute and it should work”

“So if he casts a fire spell…. He will explode?” 

“Theoretically, yes. That isn’t exactly what I had in mind. Although... tempting... but I digress. I was thinking more if we can corner him and question him. He surely uses a truth spell whenever he conducts negotiations so if he tries to use it on us he will end up telling us exactly what he is doing. I really think it will be quiet simple.”

“Alright then, Dorian. You’re taking the lead on this one so I don’t mess it up. I am very interested to see how this little experiment turns out.” 

We reached Val Royeaux after another day’s travel and tied our mounts at the city gates. Orlesians looked down upon animals riding in the streets of their beloved golden city.


End file.
